Some few days back, anonymous lady caller on our live enriching discussion on #Sincerelymen on Top Radio 90.9FM (Lagos) asked the question: Can love work without trust? And I did say Love cannot work without trust, neither can trust work without love in relationship or marriage.
Yes, love covers multitude of sin is what scripture says, but if you love someone that you don’t trust see what will happen;
- Chances are high you want to double-check everything the person tells you or does
- Chances are high that you may become a detective in the relationship or marriage. You will operate more in suspicion than in discernment.
- You may become insecured with the person with time
- As a result of all above you become stressed and distressed, then you want to begin to consider walking away from the relationship or marriage.
In any relationship, it is important to build trust first before love. Trust provides a fertile ground for love to grow. Trust is a fertilizer for a relationship to thrive upon. Love is the engine for every relationship while trust (as well as money) is the engine lubricator for love. What the engine oil does in an automobile is the same thing trust does in relationhip. Both trust and love are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other and if you do, you have more troubles to contend with.
BUT CAN’T TRUST BE DEVELOPED?
Yes, trust can be developed with time. But in a situation where your partner has overdrawn on the trust you have for him or her, what do you do? In a situation where your partner has betrayed the love between the two of you through cheating, backbiting and unpleasant secrecy, you certainly will want to take caution.
In any relationship, trust is earned like respect. You cannot command it. You cannot demand it. You just have to work to earn it.
HOW CAN I EARN MY PARTNER’S TRUST?
To earn your partner’s trust is easy if you learn to tell the truth always even when it hurts or when it can hurt. But what if my partner hates the truth? Then both of you will continue to relate in deception. Those who hate the truth forsake their soul.
The Bible says;
“….but let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘No’, ‘No’, lest you fall into judgement’’ James 5 Vs 12b
When people know your yes is yes and your no, no, they begin to respect you and once you are respected, it will not be difficult to earn trust.
Generally, trust enhances the following as much as the list below help trust in relationship;
- Commitment or dedication
- Repentance- If you once burnt the trust bridge and have repented, your partner may be able to trust you again
- Forgiveness- If your partners wrong doing has been forgiven, then both of you can walk in trust again.
If there is trust challenge in any relationship, check any of the above listed 6 areas. It is certain one (if not all) of the 6 above is weak or absent, when trust is a challenge in relationship.
Friends, cheating, double dating, fornication, adultery and separation may be inevitable in a relationship where there is no trust. And it is better to stay single waiting for a trustworthy person than to go into a relationship with someone you don’t trust. And it is better to pray more for your spouse if you are in a marriage where trust is a challenge.
While I agree that it takes time to build trust, and that it takes seconds to break it, I do not agree it takes forever to repair a broken trust. Rather I like to postulate that it takes God, a willing and forgiving partner to repair a broken trust!
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