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DOES SHAPE, SIZE, HEIGHT AND COMPLEXION MATTER IN RELATIONSHIP?

Big-Woman-Plus-Size-.ngThe truth is that different things in the opposite sex attract different people. People have different specs of what they want in life and that also include relationship.

God created man in His image and likeness as the Bible tells us. He created some tall, some of average height and some not too tall. Some big and some slim. He created some white, some dark complexioned etc etc.

However, what we see is that men and especially women refuse to accept themselves the way God created them. So, what happened to Adam and Eve at the begining in the garden of Eden is still happening to mankind today. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit simply because the serpent (satan) confused them about their identity. The serpent told them if they ate the fruit they will become like God even when originally they had been created in the image and likeness of God. (Genesis 1 Vs 26; Genesis 3 Vs 5)

One of the greatest challenge facing the present generation like it did the old was and is IDENTITY CRISIS. Many people do not like what they look like. They just don’t like it as they are big. Some just don’t like it that they are slim (or thin as they say it in anger). Some just feel awful their look is what is not making them admirable or attractive enough to the opposite sex. Infact many people who bleach their skin do so because they hate their natural skin. They all just want to be like who God did not make them.

Are you saying fashion is wrong? No I am not anti-fashion but I am strongly ‘anti-you’ not accepting who you are originally created as by your Maker- God. Now what happens is that as people do not accept themselves they also extend it to those who come to them for relationship. When you don’t accept yourself it will usually be difficult for you to accept others. But can’t I have a spec of what I want? Yes, you can have a spec of what you want but what I am writing against is you rejecting the person you have or the people that come your way on the basis of shape, size, height and complexion.

Friends, there is more to relationship than shape, size, height and complexion. These externalities that people focus on may be part of what gives spice in matters of the heart but it is certainly not all that there is to consider and you should not loose sleep over it that your boyfriend or girlfriend is too thin or too fat, or too bursty or too skinny! Yea, it is good that you get entangled with someone that is attractive to you both physically and emotionally but what I am saying is that that should not be the only or the main thing to focus on. How your partner looks is part of what helps you to flow together but more importantly who he or she is, his or her character, personality, vision and purpose in life is more important than the physical aspect of him or her. Why? The physical attributes of your partner is subject to change as both of you grow in age. What you will live with for as long as the relationship last is the character and personality of the person. Guys,  life is more than looks, sex and making babies.

As a matter of fact, I often tell married men who complain about their spouses physical changes in marriage that they should understand that women go through serious transformation in marriage as a result of our bedroom activities. If you want your wife to keep her figure 8 stature, excuse her from sex and pregnancy, and  see that she will remain same way as she used to look before wedding. When a woman goes through the 9 months course, not many return to their old stature after child birth and I often say to such complaining men to accept their wives the way they are. Even as a man, something is wrong with you if you still look the way you were before marriage. It is either you are not feeding well or the food you eat are not nourishing your body.

Its very funny, the effort women put into looking attractive. Those women who do not accept how God made them go to the extent of wearing heavily padded bra in order to raise up their bossom. Those who don’t like their bum size now wear artificial bums all about in the name of fashion. They also don’t like their complexion and so they try to tone it up or outrightly bleach it.

I recalled a lady saying to me; ‘’I feel the reason I am still single when most of my mates are married is because I am big all round my body’’. I took her aside and told her ‘’there are men looking for ladies like you’’. There are men who are attracted to big-sized ladies, there are men who are looking for skinny-sized ladies to marry. Whatever your size, shape, height or complexion there is someone dying to become like you. There is someone longing to find someone like you! As there are ladies on diet because they want to slim down, so are there ladies eating hard to become big. Interestingly, guys also are not excused from these cravings. What I need you all to understand is that it is not a lack of food that makes the cat small in stature neither is it excess food that makes an elephant big. Cats are small in their family as elephants are big in their family! Whatever stature you have, check the family you come from and even if you are different in your family, believe that God made you that way if the way you look does not have an underlining medical condition.

One day, I ran into a school mate during my youth service (NYSC) days. We exchanged pleasantries and we got talking about relationship. She told me her greatest concern in the relationship she was in at that time was that she is not too tall and the guy proposing to her is also too close to the ground. She said; ”I learnt that if a short lady gets married to a short man, their children will be short” Well, I allayed her fears and let her understand that that assertion is not always so. Haven’t you seen tall parents give birth to short children and vice versa? I emphasised further that their emotional compatibility in terms of mutual love, medical compatibility in terms of genotype and conviction that both of them were meant for each other are more important that this height worries. Some eleven years later our path crossed again and both of them have been married with children and the guy is highly placed in a big company in Nigeria. So, I said to her, this is what you would have missed had I not allayed your fears then. All she said to me was; ‘’You don’t forget something’’ and we both laughed heartily.

The other day I heard a lady complain that her man is bald headed and I asked when did being bald headed become an infectious disease? Another lady said her fiance snors. How did you know he snores if you did not pass the night in his place or together somewhere? By the way, when did snoring become offensive or a relationship disqualifier? Snoring is a reflection of deep sleep and once you tap the person, the snoring should stop.

Friends, as full grown adults, height and complexion may not change but there is no guarantee that any lady or guy will keep his or her size same way as when both of you first met. What is important is to keep fit, eat well, rest well, be deliberately happy and accept your partner or spouse the way he or she is in the context of size, stature, height and complexion. There are ladies heavily toning or even bleaching their skin because their husbands want it so but you need to know that once you start, you have to continue otherwise your skin becomes worst off with time. Where there is need for reduction in excessive weight gain, exercise, watch what you eat and in love, encourage your partner or spouse  to do same.

HOW ABOUT IF I GET  SOMEONE ELSE?

The thinking of those who cheat in relationship or those who embrace polygamy is that they can get someone else who is perhaps of a better shape than their partner. Maybe a taller version, a more ‘tush’ person. If you get someone else, there is also no assurance he or she will also not change in stature or size.  Change is one of the evidence of life. If we accept life, we must accept that change is inevitable also. Nevertheless, what we all should crave, work and pray for, is positive change.

WHAT OF SIZE AS PER DOWN BELOW?

Another area that people, mostly guys bother themselves about is the size of the ‘stick’ in between their legs. That is why many of you subscribe to all kinds of trash on the internet where they confuse you that your manhood has to be as big as 20mm iron rod for you to have good intimacy with your spouse. Guys, size of manhood has nothing to do with fertility, performance and sexual satisfaction. Whether it is short or long, thin or fat does not in anyway hinder twins or triplets. What you also need to deal with is the psychology that the bigger a man’s manhood is, the better respect his wife gives him or the better he satisfies his wife. If your wife says your manhood is small or big, what is she comparing it with? If you can get over the psyche and the inferiority complex from the size of your manhood, you will begin to enjoy your marital life afresh again. What is important is sexual satisfaction which is a function of timing, style, partners preferences, strength, intimacy knowledge and intimacy spice. It has nothing to do with size. So stop punishing yourself with those punitive therapy they sell online all because you want to increase the size of your penis. God gave you the size He knows will give you marital fulfilment. He gave you the size that can give you twins and triplets, why undo what God has done complete?

HOW ABOUT FOR LADIES?

The size of the female reproductive organ also bother some people. What you all need to know is that a lady that has given birth may not be the same  down below as one who is yet to give birth. Interestingly, there are also ladies who have given birth that are tighter down below than those who are single. Its a function of how you use your body and how you take care of it. Child bearing takes a heavy toll on the female body and especially their genital and as a husband you don’t need to feel out of place comparing what that place was on your wedding night to what it is after 2/3 children. The vagina is very very elastic and tender. If you are still very uncomfortable and unhappy with the size of your woman down below, you can encourage her to go for yoga. The more she exercises, the more her pelvics and all that region come together. Alternatively you can see a gynacologist or a sex therapist or do me a mail on this concern. I can give you one more suggestion I don’t want to share openly here.

Friends, knowledge is power. There is nobody that can grow beyond the quantum of information at his or her disposal. From all above, I hope your mind will be at rest now on this issue of size, height etal.

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Adegboyega ILORI

Adegboyega is an author, a prolific writer, conference speaker and a relationship and leadership coach. He speaks on relationship and family matter every Sunday on Top Radio 90.9FM between 5.00pm-7.00pm

You can follow him on twitter @gboyegailori or facebook @Adegboyega A ilori or do him a mail at: adegboyega.ilori@gmail.com

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