Often times guys come in contact with people of diverse callings, vocation and career in diverse ways which could (or should) lead to marriage but certain things militate against the relationship from blossoming into marriage. One of such is when your female partner is richer.
For a number of reasons a single female partner or girlfriend could be rich or richer as a result of;
- Her family Background- If she is from a royal family or a prominent family of great status or stature, that background could influence her financial worth or
- The industry where she works- If she works in a high paying industry like the oil, telecom or banking, aviation industries , etc. She could be very wealthy if she had climbed through the ladder of career over time. And it is also possible that she runs a multi-million Dollar business
- The circle of friends she has and the extent of their influence
Now, quite frankly as a guy if you come in contact with a rich lady what comes to your mind? How do you feel? Intimidated and your ego drowns you and you become timid and back off?
MYTHS ABOUT RICH LADIES
There are many myths that people carry in their consciousness or sub-consciousness about wealthy, rich or richer ladies. Some of which are;
- She will not be submissive
- She probably came about her wealth or riches by the calibre of men she had dated
- She slept her way to wealth or riches all through her career or business ladder
- She cannot be Godly
- She will not respect me
- If she helps me to grow she will use it against me later
- I will not be able to control her
Friends, in some cases all the ‘’fears’’ listed above could be true with some ladies but in many cases the fears not true neither are they real!
You need to understand the source of the wealth of your lady. Once you know the source, do not bother your head about some of the listed fears except you have seen some traces of any of them in her. We need to understand that our insecurities become more manifest when we come in contact with certain situations of life.
Here you are; a poor good looking, well educated but struggling guy and God in His infinite mercy brought a lady your way to help quench the cycle of poverty in your life and in your family but your poor ego is making you timid to go ahead with the relationship. I am not suggesting you should become a gold digger and not consider other salient qualities expected in a wife. Her riches or wealth does not necessarily mean she cannot be a good wife material!
When you come in contact with a rich or wealthy lady who has a good business, a good job, a posh car, a well furnished apartment and you are just as poor as the rat in a deserted building do not get timid or insecure. If your fear is that you cannot or may not be able to sustain her flambouyant lifestyle, it is better you let her know as the relationship progresses. Don’t pretend to be who you are not. Be as sincere and as open as much as possible. True love does not assess based on what you have at present but on who you are and your potentials. Your present poor state is NOT your permanent ‘’ADDRESS’’ (status), except you don’t have the potentials, the skills, the drive and the qualifications that can help you climb the ladder of success sooner than later. So, why take permanent decisions on a temporary situation!
Two of my rich single female mentees were complaining recently about the attitude of some of the guys they had come in contact with lately and that got me thinking and I decided to do this write up. One of them told me of how she had tried on many occasions to help develop her man. How she also went to enrol her boyfriend in a certain profession just to help give him a secured future but he stylishly turned down the offers on the excuse that all she is doing for him may be used as point of reference in the future. Friends, tell me, does this comment make any sense? So, what will you do if your wife becomes richer than you later in marriage? Does it matter who make any reference to anything in the future long after your status too may have changed?
If marriage is the goal of the relationship, just see all her assets and effort as contributions on her part to secure the future of the two of you together. A good and Godly lady who is striving to make you better than she met you does not deserve to be treated with suspicion and scorn.
I think the problems with some guys are; masculine ego, insecurity, and parochial mindset, opaque and blurred vision. All these will help in the furtherance of the cycle of poverty in your life and in your family if care is not taken. You need to grow up where it matter most. You need to mature and do away with narrow mindedness and childish things. No wonder Apostle Paul wrote;
‘’When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things’’
1 Corinthians 13 Vs 11 (NKJV)
Can you see the order of things in the above scripture; A child speak first before understanding what he or she spoke and then later think. But when the child becomes a man he or she put away childish things and think, understand things before speaking.
If your financee is a Born Again Christian (that is one who has accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior)and you are also one, you need not be afraid of her intimidating you by her wealth. From spiritual perspective, when the two of you marry you become one and in oneness everything both of you have individually is owned by both of you and no longer owned by you individually.
No too long ago a very bright, beautiful young lady was going to call off her relationship and she brought her concern to my notice, just before she issued her fiance a ‘red card’. Her concern is that she earns more than her man and she said; ‘’I have suffered while growing up, I don’t want to suffer in marriage, I don’t want my children to suffer. My fiance is still struggling to find his feet financially and there is family pressure on me to marry and time is going. What do I do?’’
I decided to engage the young man in discussion and we spoke for about 3 hours. He explained his plans and all he has been doing to me. I pointed out the unrealistic part of his plans and dreams and guided him on what he needed to do. I advised him to get another job if the present job is paying him so little even for doing so much. Also, I also advised him to be optimistic. We parted with the agreement that we will meet again from time to time to assess the level of progress made. I also reported back to the lady concerned to hold on her decision and let us see changes that will come out of our present discussion.
Guys, you need to realise that there are three types of security every lady is longing for in her man and I believe men too are not exempted from these desires and hopes also;
- Love security
- Financial security
- Physical or material security
Although I often tell people that the ultimate security in life is God Almighty. There is no security other than God. However, in order not to jeorpadise the future, it is not wrong to look well before you leap. Life often present us with choice and we just must decide what we want before choosing. The person you choose to live the rest of your life with is so important to the future you so care about.
So, if your fiance is convinced that you love her deeply and she can see you are not lazy among all other qualities, she can go to any extent with whatever she has!
The way we think is a reflection of who we are. Except you change your thinking, your thinking may create a limitation for your future.
And you rich girlfriend, please don’t let what you have get into your head. There are rich and callous guys who will not care a hoot how about how you feel even as they multiply women in their lives. And there are also poor but arrogant guys also. However, if you find a Godly guy that is hardworking and looking up to God for the brighter side of life, please go ahead if he approaches you for friendship or marriage. Money is not everything in life, though money is important in life and in relationship. What he has is not more important than who he is. And if per chance, your fiance does not have enough resources for the wedding, you (his fiancee) can consider sponsoring the wedding and nobody need know any details of who pays for what.
I hope I have dispelled your fears. A single rich lady will not marry her riches or wealth. No matter how comfortable she is. Her emotional issues cannot be fixed with the money she has if she is going to live responsibly. Yes, she can seek for love from other equally rich guys but love sometimes doesn’t go in that direction. If the ‘stick’ in between your legs is sound and you have all other qualities that Godly ladies desire in their men, do not let your weak purse discourage you. For as long as you are strong where it matter most, it is a question of time, the areas of your strength should strengthen or make up for the areas of your weakness!
Keep faith and keep your hopes alive and God will empower you beyond what you think or ask!! (Ephesians 3 Vs 20)
Still Yours in Matters of the Heart
Adegboyega is the author of the wave making book- FIGHTING TEMPTATION with forward written by Pastor Tunde Bakare. You can get the book at Laterna Ventures 13A Oko Awo Street, V/I, or Latter Rain Bookshop, Plot 4 Akilo Road Ogba or CRM Bookshop,RCCG Camp ground KM 46 Lagos Ibadan expressway.