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I AM PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED; HOW DO I FIND LOVE?

Newly-wedded-physically-challenged-coupleOne day, few years back a young lady who was a young Christian convert walked into my office and said; ‘’Sir, I need your advice. I heard God tell me that someone is my husband but the person is physically challenged. He is blind. What do I do?’’ I asked if she was sure it was God talking to her. And she answered in the affirmative. Not long after that discussion she told her elder sister with whom she lived at that time and she lambasted her saying;

‘’Since you have refused to listen to me you have been going to church which you know nobody in our family is disposed to. As if that is not enough, now you even want to marry a blind man. Are there no seeing people in your church?……….’’

The above comment from  her sister was heartbreaking for her and in no long time one thing or the other happened and the relationship between the lady and the physically challenged guy broke up. So, what happened to ‘God said’?

If you are physically challenged, I advise that you find love in Christ first before finding love in man. If you connect Christ first, Christ can sort you out regardless of your circumstances. Ordinarily, our circumstances ought not to limit us if our heart and our minds have not been conditioned or bondaged by the situation or conditions we find ourselves. There are people physically challenged with sight that can see better than those whose two eyes are not blind. Because eyes that see are few! Eyes that can see the unseen are few. No wonder Helen Keller said and I paraphrase; ‘’There is nothing as disastrous as having eyes that cannot see’’ .You do not necessarily need to have sight to have vision, dreams and aspirations. Ditto for those who can’t hear or those who can’t speak.

As important as mobility is, still being physically challenged does not mean there is no way out of it. Yes, the way out may be expensive and not affordable but certainly the God you know and serve will send help from where you least expect!

If you are in love or interested in someone that is physically challenged, you need to consider the following;

  1. Do you have a conviction that God is leading you on in this relationship?
  2. What is his or her physical challenge like?
  3. How can I help to improve the physical challenge? Does he or she need an artificial limb? Hearing aid? Wheel chair? etc etc.
  4. Am I ready to cope with the challenge and love the person regardless of the condition?
  5. Have I considered the financial implication of the physical challenge on the family we are about to start? Are there on-going medical attention that is required for him or her? For how long is the treatment? Temporary or permanent?
  6. Have I considered the impact of the physical challenge on our marriage? What impact will the challenge have on our sex life, reproduction/children bearing aspiration etc
  7. Have I considered what people will say, especially close family members?
  8. Is our genotype and HIV status medically compartible?
  9. Are we of same faith and belief? Has both of us agreed on mode of worship?

I think by the time all above are resolved, if the outcome is all positive, then both of you are good to go ahead in Holy matrimony.

PLEASE if you are physically strong and considering going into relationship or marriage with a physically challenged person, do not do so for the wrong or wrongest reasons such as;

  1. Pity: No pity. No unnecessary sentiments or emotion. Why? You don’t build a relationship on what does not last? Pity, sentiments and emotions are too weak a foundation upon which to build a lasting relationship like marriage.
  2. Your motive MUST be pure. Your motive should not be the fame, money, power or prominent position the person holds or the influence the person has. When motive is not pure the relationship will not last! Because when what attracted you to him or her is no longer there, you will no longer have interest in the person or in the marriage.

God-kind of love, also called Agape love is love that last. It is love for what to give and not for what to get. True love is not selfish. True love is not self-centred. It is selfless love and love unconditionally that can guarantee a blissful marriage and a blessed home!

One Sunday evening on air with Damirez on #Sincerelymen, Top Radio (90.9FM between 5.00pm-7.00pm) a physically challenged young man called in to ask; ‘’Please what do I do, my wife left me and went away with the children after I lost my sight?’’. I simply advised him to let his family members help him to handle the situation and to ask God to help sort his sight out. Since we have not heard from his wife we cannot tell what exactly could have led her to take that drastic action. However, we need to be bold to confront issues in our lives headlong and prepare for any eventualities. Yea, I could hear someone say, ‘’God forbid’’. Friends, nobody prays for ‘disability’ but most physically challenged people were not born so. Something happened along the line in the course of everyday living. And that is why I hope President Jonathan has signed the bill on the physically challenged people’s issues into law. That bill has been before him before the elections and since after the election no word has been heard on it even in the media.

Physically challenged people are citizens of Nigeria and their fundamental rights (Right to live, right to get employment etc) has to be fully spelt out and guaranteed in our constitution as it is the practise in developed society. Although I know some organisations have friendly mien towards the physically challenged, those who promoted the bill in the legislature have their reasons for wanting it signed into law for the good of the larger society and the nation.

MY ADVISE TO PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED PEOPLE

Dear friend, do not keep moaning on the past. Be forward looking and please look out for the rainbow as God said to Noah after the flood. He had a covenant with Noah and said to him;

‘’The Rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature……..this is the sign of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is on the earth’’ Genesis 9 Vs 16-17 (NKJV)

Wow. Did you know God has a covenant with all flesh which includes you. If you can’t see physically, just ask God to open your inner eyes so you can behold the rainbow, his covenant with all flesh. And I believe we all know Rainbow has 7 colours, right? If you don’t like the colour you see, check out the other colours of the rainbow!

God also said again;

‘’For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart’’ Jeremiah 29 Vs 11-13 (NKJV)

Friends, from the above scripture, what more shall I say? The devil may want to contend the word of God in your heart by saying; ‘’Why did God allow you to go through your challenges if He was fair?’’ Hey, life challenges are not all necessarily created by God. They are either directed or permitted. They are all not meant to mar our destinies. How we respond to the issues of life is a function of our faith, faith level and our reasoning faculty especially reasoning through the Word of God. And can I shock you? Everybody in life has one challenge or the other! Yours may be physical challenge that has to do with strength, mobility, sight or sound or health but there are loads of people with financial challenge, with knowledge challenge, with emotional challenge, poverty challenge, illiteracy challenge etc. And those other challenges kill faster than being physical challenge! Just check how many people die daily and see how many of them are physically challenged in terms of blindness, mobility hearing etc!!

SO, HOW DO I FIND A LOVE PARTNER?

Yes, I had to digress a bit to encourage you first before looking into the crux of the write-up. Be guided by the following;

  1. I recommend Jesus to you if you are yet to know Him. This is because, Jesus is the way, the truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Him. John 14 Vs 6

Your spiritual state influences your state on earth. If you have a functional relationship with God (through Jesus) you will be able to see things from God’s perspective and that will help you to navigate through this phase of getting a suitor.

  1. Keep worshipping God and fellowship with the Brethren
  2. Be friendly and deliberately make friends.
  3. Focus on your career, business and be productive except if your physical challenge does not give room for you to do anything, which I doubt. The more polished you are education wise, career/business wise, exposure wise, the higher your chances of attracting your dream spouse!
  4. Develop your inner gifts. Everybody created by God has one gift or the other. Yours may be singing, dancing, writting etc etc. Am sure you know Cobhams Asukwo sings beautifully despite that he is physically challenged. Interestingly he is married to a wonderful lady with whom they are both fulfilling destiny. There is also the story of two Nigerian Pastors in the US who are both physically challenged and yet doing wonders in the vineyard of the Lord. The husband is a cancer survivor who Pastor E A Adeboye and Pastor Tunde Bakare prayed for many years ago. He survived the cancer but not without a noticeable scar on his face. Unfortunately some years later his fiancee who later became his wife had an accident and her leg had to be amputated. Today, they are both husband and wife doing wonders in Jesus Name and happily married with children. God is more interested in our availability than in our ability. Being physically challenged is not a limitation to how much God can use you in many ways. He wants to use you too, will you allow Him?
  5. Dress well, smell well, eat well and rest well. Anybody who is not challenged in anyway know something good when they see it. Be rest assured that your Romeo will locate your Juliet, and your Juliet will accept the advances of Romeo and both of you do not need to die the same day as it happened in the popular novel!

CAN TWO PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED PERSONS MARRY?

The couple above are both physically challenged and yet they were joined in Holy Matrimony. So, two physcially challenged people can marry depending on their functional compartibility. That the counsellors will consider before joining the couple together.

To everyone who has called in to #Sincerelymen or wrote me a mail to say they are physically challenged, this write-up is dedicated to you. Very very soon, sooner than you think, God will give you a wonderful and amibale spouse.

Endeavour to send your wedding IV to me and I will personally come if I am within reach!

Still Yours Personally on this Platform

Adegboyega ILORI

 

 

 

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One Response

  1. David
    David May 31, 2015 at 6:46 pm |

    God bless you sir. I really digested alot from this write-up. This write-up has added to my self-concept and self image. I know i’ll improve in all ramifications. God bless you sir..

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