On Sunday, 26th April, 2015 on #Sincerelymen (the popular Top Radio 90.9Fm relatiosnhip talk show) between 5.00pm and 7.00pm was a number of callers, twitts and sms asking me various questions that bother on relationship. However, one striking one was the sms someone sent in saying her parents don’t want her to marry a Pastor.
As a relationship coach and speaker at various conferences I have had to handle this question of getting married to a pastor over and over again. Honestly, I think the safest person to get married to should be a pastor. I think marrying a pastor should be something that should bring excitement to a christian but lately I have seen that the reverse is the case. Like the lady that sent in the sms, her parents’ excuse or ground of rejection of the pastor is that Pastors don’t have money and her parents perhaps don’t want her to suffer. How funny is their prejudice? I managed to reason afterwards.
Like I said on air, there are Pastors that are so rich that they own private jets, have petrol station, have businesses they run and are higly higly successful and wealthy. So, also there are Pastors who are not yet there financially.
Friends, no profession or vocation or calling necessarily guarantee abundance of money or wealth. There are medical Doctors (as well as Accountants, Engineers etc)that became rich or wealthy from their profession and there are those that became rich from doing other things outside their profession. So there are Pastors who prospered from their vocation and there are those who God blessed while doing other things along with their calling. I know for sure that nobody or Pastor who serve God in truth and indeed will ever beg bread or remain poor!
Some two years ago, a former colleague of mine was about 34 years old at that time and she confided in me that she is really disturbed lately saying; ‘’I don’t really know what is happeneing to me, all the people proposing marriage to me lately are Pastors and I don’t want to marry a Pastor’’. She said. Patiently I asked for her reason and she said; ‘’First, I don’t know too much Bible. I am not the spiri koko (SU) type. I go to church and leave after service. Secondly, I cannot share my husband with others. Pastors hardly have time for their family……’’. I tried the very best I can to persuade her, that her not knowing so much scripture is a good ground to marry a Pastor at least he will teach you and you too will grow. On the issue of sharing her husband with others and pastors not having time for their family, I let her understand that she is not sharing her husband with others but sharing her husband with God. In every labour, the Bible says there is profit. Again, it is not all pastors that hardly have time for their families. No serious minded pastor should neglect his family for the work commited into his or her hand. Well, she did not listen to my sermon until one of the pastors got married. The second pastor also waited for her but she still did not bulge. Anyway the lady is still single!
Many times, people allow their personal biases and prejudices becloud their reasoning and even crowd them out of God’s will. Though I don’t know if it was God’s will for the lady to marry a pastor but I am saying people should be careful not to allow what they want to make them loose what God want! What God wants may not be what you want but if we are patient and actually understand that God’s thought towards us in all situations of life are good according to Jeremiah 29 Vs 11, then we will work according to His plan and purpose for our lives.
There are basic things you need to know about getting married to a Pastor. If you marry a Pastor there is nothing so materially different from marrying s doctor, pilot or an Engineer. Yes, the work of a Pastor is a divine one. It is one that involves meeting people and speaking the mind of God to people. And you as the wife of a Pastor like the wives of other people in other profession or vocation is simply to support him whilst carrying out his God given assignment. Eve was called a ‘’helpmeet’’ whilst Adam was a gardener. That is the role of a woman in the life of a man!
Many times parents and indeed singles themselves have all kinds of preferences of what (who) they want. I have heard people say; ‘’Don’t marry a teacher’’. I have heard people say; ‘’Don’t marry a policeman’’ etc etc. There is nothing wrong with those professions. One poor (or wayward) person in a profession is not a valid ground to blacklist all.
Yes, God says He will grant us the desires of our heart but He will only grant desires of our heart that are in sync with His desires for our lives.
Friends, a Pastor is anybody that occupies the office of a priest. A Pastor is a servant of God anointed (empowered) by God to do His assignment. Yes, while serving in a ministry he or she may not automatically have limousine or jets but I can guarantee you that he or she will never ever lack divine reward (both on earth and in Heaven) neither will you his or her spouse!
God has a responsibility to feed, clothe, house and to bless those who serve Him. Material possessions are not the right yardstick to measure success or wealth. There are intangible wealth that are invisible and yet more powerful, more lasting that tangible wealth. For instance, why would the Bible say of Joseph while he was still in prison;
‘’ The Lord was with Joseph, and he was a successful man…….’’ Genesis 39 Vs 2
The Bible must have another definition of success or prosperity for Joseph who was in prison to be said to be successful or prosperous. The presence of God in the life of a man (or woman) is richer than fat bank accounts! There are people who have money and are so miserable. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying money is bad. I am not saying you should repulse money. What I am saying is that money is not everything. Money has too many limitations and so we should not glorify money.
When next a Pastor comes your way, pray about the marriage proposal. If you have a conviction that he or she is ordained for you, please go ahead. What a man or woman has now is not a guarantee for tomorrow. God holds tomorrow and He has assured us that our tomorrow will be greater than our beginning. See what God said further;
‘’For the seed shall be prosperous, the vine shall give its fruit, the ground shall give her increase, and the heavens shall give their dew. I will cause the remnants of this people to possess all these things’’ Zechariah 8 Vs 12 (NKJV).
Heavens dew is yours. Blessings are from above and not from beneath. For as long as God is with a man, for as long as one walk in line with God’s instruction, prosperity or success is guaranteed in Him.
No wonder the Bible says; ‘’………Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; And WHATEVER HE DOES SHALL PROSPER’’ Psalm 1 Vs 1 (NKJV)
Brethren, with the assurance that whatever we do we shall prosper, please dispel every fear or concern over the suitability of a pastor as a spouse. Keep praying that God will touch the heart of your parents and they will receive understanding and reason why you need to marry who God has pre-ordained for you!
If you don’t want to marry a Pastor now and you go ahead to marry someone you want, God can call that other person later and you will be back to this same scenario. So what will you do then?
Think about it because God has not stopped calling people into ministry irrespective of their current profession! Infact God can call even you!
I am Still Yours
Adegboyega ILORI is a life and relationship coach. You can reach him via adegboyega.ilori @gmail.com