While on air (on Top Radio 90.9FM) last Sunday (between 5.00pm -7.00pm) a young girl sent in a text asking the question; When can I start dating? And I did answer her query within the time available. But here is a detailed submission on the pros and cons of under-age dating.
The world is changing fast. So many things has changed from what it used to be in past decades and centuries. And we just have to move in line with development and No wonder they call it the jet age. The age where you need not go to the bank to send money to anybody no matter where the person is based. The age where telephone and microphone are no longer with wires. Interesting age indeed.
However, has times have changed, God’s instruction to us has not changed. The Word of God in Ecclessiastes says 3 Vs 1-8 says;
‘’To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven, a time to be born and a time to die………………..a time to love……’’ (NKJV)
My dear younger ones, there is a time for everything including dating. There is a time for you to go to school, to learn a trade and a time for relationship and a time to marry.
Between age 6-16, you are expected to be in Primary and Secondary school (College) and between 17-24 or 25 you are expected to be in or be done with Higher institution (Higher College) depending on how early your school season is. What you are expected to be doing at this time is STUDY and be getting ready for life after school, life in the labour market and ultimately starting off with a job or establish a business. The period in school is meant for you to read, read and read. Pass your examinations in flying colours and be the proud son or girl of your parents. For many reasons also, you may choose to go and learn a trade and patiently learn the robe and become proficient in your chosen trade. That is also good. After going through all above learning seasons, I think you can then begin to consider dating someone that you are considering for courtship and eventually marriage.
Relationship, dating, sex and marriage is NOT for babies. It is not for young people who are being fend for. Even if you are already fending for yourself, you need to mature emotionally before going into relationship. The fact that you have grown the mammary gland and started the regular monthly (28 days) course and hair growing in your privates does not mean you have matured. As a young person, you MUST learn to make use of the best of the time you have at hand before it is too late.
Can’t I be in school (higher institution) and date someone? Yes you can but again the relationship will become a distraction to your studies. Emotionally and psychologically you will be distracted from the main thing that took you to school. You academic grades can only be changed while you are in school and not when you are out of school. And when you allow what you can do after school season to distract you, you find yourself to blame if your school expectation is not met. When you are out of school, the chances are higher that you will meet a better person afterwards if the person you have now cannot allow both you defer intimate relationship.
But all my friends have boyfriends and girlfriends? Yea, that may have, but you and them are not going to the same destination. When you choose a road, you ultimately choose the destination the road leads to except you make a u-turn. Those who are in relationship when they ought to be doing other productive things as required of that season of their lives will not arrive at the same destination as people who choose not to travel on the same path!
Relationship entails responsibilities which you are not prepared for yet because of your age and or because you are still in school or learning a trade. The time you will spend dating is the same time you ought to use for studies. The temptation to want to fiddle with your privates as you become carried away by the relationship is also there. You run the risk of becoming pregnant and or catching incurrable diseases when you indulge in sex or allow the opposite sex fiddle with your body.
My beloved young ones, the time for dating is coming, not now! Make the best use of the time you have now to study, read, help with house chores, and garner experience from those who know and those ahead of you, so that you will not make the same mistake as those before you!! But is dating a mistake? Well, not necessarily but you can be derailed by many things that you will not know how to handle along because you are yet to mature and acquired experience for that season of life.
So, what do I do as I seem to have feelings for these person?
Well, have feeling for someone or someone having feelings for you is not wrong. Neither is it a sin. That you are attracted to someone or someone is attracted to you is NO SIN. What may be sin is what you do with the person as a result of the feelings or attraction that you have for the person. What you can do not to sin is to minimize interraction with the person, especially physical interraction. If you have started your regular monthly flow, it means you can be impregnated if any male come around your genitals. If you are a male and you experiencee that your weewee stick gets harder especially in the morning and when you think bad thoughts towards the opposite sex and you are 16 years and above, it means you can impregnate a girl if you go around her privates. I Am sure you are not ready to be a mummy or a daddy yet? And you do not want to disappoint your Dad and Mum, Uncles and Aunties who have high expectations and hopes in your future?
Whatever is the pressure on you in respect of relationship and dating, endeavour to have a mentor and an accountable partner that you can confide in. Your mother or father should be in best position to guide you but where you have any reservations for them, then your pastor or anyone with good knowledge of the Word of God can guide you. Your mentor MUST be someone who is experienced, knowledgeable, trust worthy and open to hear you out even as you take counsel and advice from him or her from time to time.
Be a good child like Samuel, like Joseph, like Daniel and his three friends, and like Esther the Queen who obeyed the instructions of Uncle Mordecai (Esther 2 Vs 15-19). Keep your virginity. It is not a shameful thing to still be a virgin when some of your friends are not. God honours those who honour Him with their body. God honoured Joseph because he resisted Mrs Portiphar and he became next to King Pharaoh. God honoured Daniel and he and his friends were promoted by King Nebuchadnezzer. God honoured Esther for keeping her virginity and she became a Queen in place of Vashti. God honoured the virgin Mary who became the mother of our Lord Jesus Christ. God will honour you as you honour Him and your parents with your body. Amen!
I wish you girls and guys the very best in all your future endeavour.
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I really do love you with the love of Christ!
Yours In His Service