We had a great time on air on Sunday 7th June, 2015 on Top Radio 90.9FM discussion programme #Sincerelymen (5.00pm-7.00pm), I am sure those who called in and those who listened in too had interesting time.
In the course of the programme, a certain grandma called in to ask the regular relationship pregnancy before marriage question and that prompted me to write on this to at least amplify the reasons people want their fiancee or wife-inlaw-to-be pregnant before wedding commitment and to suggest way out of that dilemma.
Over and over many single ladies, even Christian ladies have had to face this challenge of being asked to get pregnant before wedding. And I often say if God did not approve pre-marital sex, He certainly will not approve pre-marital pregnancy.
WHY PEOPLE INSIST ON PRE-MARITAL PREGNANCY
There are many reasons people; fiance or in-laws-to-be insist on pre-marital pregnancy, some of which are;
- To ascertain the fertility status of the wife-to-be due to fear that the young wife may not conceive after wedding
- Fear that evil forces or people who may witness the lavish wedding may want to hinder the young wife from getting pregnant
- Fear that the young wife may have lost her womb due to her past (real or imaginary) escapades.
- To ascertain the competence of the wife-to-be to satisfy her husband sexually.
There are many lies that people tell when you ask them why do you want me to get pregnant before wedding?’’. Some of which are;
- It is an African thing
- To protect the young couple from barrenness
Friends, these lies are from the pit of hell. They do not hold water. It is not an African thing to get pregnant before marriage. I know of the Yoruba and the Igbo (of the South and Eastern part of Nigeria) cultures of old where families are celebrated when their daughter was ‘met’ at home. ‘Met’ at home means she is a virgin. These cultures and traditions of old encourages morality and uphold purity before marriage. Although it will be inaccurate to say these traditions and customs of old among these tribes in Nigeria no longer holdsway, rather I think it is more of family upbringing and individual re-birth as children raised from those families where purity before marriage is emphasised. It is not an African thing to get pregnant before wedding!
Also, you would observe that all the 4 points listed above have one common underlying factor which is FEAR. I often say to those I counsel, especially Christians, that fear and faith cannot co-mingle. You cannot operate in fear and expect that your faith will grow. No wonder the Bible says you cannot serve God and mammon.
Am I saying principalities and powers don’t exist? Yes, they do exist, but unto whom you yield yourself you are a servant thereof is what the Scripture says. If you are Born Again and Spirit filled, there is no enchantment against you nor divination from hell that will work against your marital fulfillment in Jesus Mighty Name. For as long as you remain even with your Maker, God that you serve and worship has a responsibility to protect you and your spouse. And He is too loving to be irresponsible in discharging His duties towards us as His children. So, I say to you FEAR NOT!
“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon’’
Mathew 6 Vs 24, Luke 16 Vs 13
Jesus said further;
“And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell’’ Mathew 10 Vs 28
Even Paul wrote to Timothy saying;
‘’For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind’’
2 Timothy 1 Vs 7
Fear will put you in bondage. Fear will make you break the laws of God and that of man. Fear will not do you any good but will ensure your faith if stunted and demobilised. Nobody can be an effective believer while operating in fear!
If it is true that fear is the reason people insist on pregnancy before marriage, does it mean you have no fear of miscarriage after wedding? Does it mean once you take in before marriage the evil ones can no longer afflict you? Does it mean every woman who take in can sustain the pregnancy up till 9 months?
I know a lady who I learnt got wedded with pregnancy but lost the pregnancy shortly after marriage and more than 10 years after, she is yet to conceive again. See, you got to make up your mind to go on with God alone all the way. Those who go on with God all the way never looses and will never ever loose!
FACT ABOUT DELAY IN CONCEPTION:
In 2011, I wrote a Book by the title THIS TIME SHALL PASS and I did enumerate the causes of delay in the fruit of the womb and suggested many solutions that people can be guided by. I have received testimonies upon testimonies on it. You can get the book at CRM BOOKSHOP AT RCCG REDEMPTION CAMP, Lagos Ibadan Expressway or Latter Rain Assembly Boookshop, plot 4 Akilo Road, Ogba or Book Affairs, suite 28 POWA Shops opposite MKO garden Alausa, Ikeja.
There are many reasons why couples encounter delay in the fruit of the womb and many of the time people think the woman is the cause. I often wonder why people don’t look at it holistically that it takes two for pregnancy to occur. My personal doctor who is a general practitioner and a consultant gynecologist once told me that for majority of couples who are yet to conceive, the problem lies with their husbands. He said experience has shown to him that when they conduct all test you find that the woman is okay. When they ask the man to come some begin to dodge and often times when they submit themselves to the rigours of test, it is often proven that the man is the cause of the delay in conception. So, if you are trying to impregnate your fiancee and you are actually inadequate to impregnate her, how will you achieve your aim?
SO, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS DILEMMA?
- Involve your Pastors if you worship in a Bible believing church and let them intervene by counselling the person or people insisting on pregnancy before marriage.
- Pray to God about this because you cannot build a good and lasting thing like marriage on a faulty foundation. Sex before marriage is building marriage on sand rather than on Christ the Solid Rock!
PREGNANCY IS NOT A GUARANTEE FOR WEDDING
Interestingly before the programme was over that Sunday, someone sent in a text to lament that she has a 3 year old son that her fiance has not been taking care of. They were supposed to wed after she took in but here she is 3 years after nothing has happened. So, there is no guarantee that your fiance will marry you even after you conceived and delivered your baby. Unfortunately, you will be increasing the population of single mothers outside of wedlock! Those who have attempted to use pregnancy to trap their men into marriage can share their tons of tales of woe and you need not be part of the number!!
Friends, Jesus said;
‘’Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you’’ Luke 10 Vs 19
Do you have authority to trample on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy? Except you are Born Again, you have no right to use the authority of the Name of Jesus, of His Word and of His Blood.
Why do you think God created the marriage institution? Why do you think He who created the institution will watch you go barren? Do you even know God is also a stakeholder in every marriage, that He wants us to be fruitful? Do you know God has our interest at heart? Do you know God does not give anything good and add sorrow to it? Do you know God is a loving and a caring Father and that His thought towards us are thought of peace, to give us a future and a hope?
Friends, what we do reflect largely our knowledge of God and the extent of faith and trust we have in Him and in His word.
If you are a true Christian, stop asking your fiance to take in before pregnancy. It is not Biblical to do so. We know what your values are and who you believe by what you do or ask someone to do!
Still Yours in Matters of the Heart
All Scriptures are from the New King James Version.