Not too long ago, I saw a poser on my facebook wall which asked the question above. Though I did not pass any comment on the thread but I saw most of the comment on the poser and all were quite interesting and revealing of the minds of people. Unfortunately none of them got the answer right!
I just did an expositoy on the meaning of love on this blog (www.adegboyegailori.com). So, if you have not read it before reading this write-up, you will be missing the main thing in this piece.
Seven days ago (Sunday 15th March, 2015, between 5pm and 7pm on Top Radio 90.9fm), we looked at LOVE AND COMMITMENT on #Sincerelymen and most of the contributions and questions asked bothered on a one-sided love or interest in relationship. If you are the only one doing all the calling, doing all the texting, and doing all the visits and spendings in your relationship, then you got to pause and reflect. Is it that your partner is financially incapacitated or is he or she emotionally entangled somewhere or he or she is simply not in love or interested in you? One of these posers may be true!
Many times it does happen that love in a relationship is one-sided. And I like to say to you that it is ABNORMAL for love to be one-sided for too long a time. It may be so at the beginning of the relationship but it should not continue for too long. Most ladies are usually slow in responding to advances from guys, if she is not already interested in you. She takes her time to process your request and that is why I often tell guys to be patient even when it seems to be taken long and she is not responding favourable for a while. However, if after a considerably long time (you decide how long is long), you may think of discarding thoughts of him or her from your mind. If however, after commencement of the relationship, love is still one-sided, see what will happen;
- One party will be the one initiating communication
- One party will be the one initiating gift. There may actually be no gift from the other party most times.
- One party will be the one initiating and doing most things in the relationship that could have been at the inistance of either party.
- Until you complain, he or she will not do anything for you or the relationship.
The reason this is so is because it is one party is in love and not both parties.
WHY PEOPLE STAY IN ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIP
Like I always say in different forum, people go into relationship with diffferent motives. Some genuine and many for selfish and self centered reasons. Relationship is about giving but when you go into relationship with the sole aim of getting, you have a wrong motive. And when you are in a relationship whre you are the only one giving, you have an issue at hand. What you give does not necessarily have to be money, and you will discover that all parties in relationship actually have something to give no matter how little.
One sided love in a relationship may be known to both parties in the relationship and it may be known by one party. At least the person who is not in love knows even if the person in love does not know the mind of the other person.
People in relationship like this stay in the relationship for either of the following reasons;
- Thought that they may develop interest in the other party along the line as time goes on.
- Past hurt and disappointments in previous relationship
- Desire for money
- Desire for influence or power which can be gained whilst in the relationship
- Just to while away time whilst expecting the ‘Right’ person.
- Pity for the other person in love.
- Influence of a respected person in your life who you do not want to offend.
Anyone in the first two category can change afterwards and become the best lover of the two parties. But if you are in the last five category, you are in relationship for the wrongest reasons!
OUTCOME OF ONE SIDED-LOVE RELATIONSHIP
Relationships that are one sided as described above usually will not last. Either party or both parties in it will be frustrated over time and that frustration is what will lead to the collapse of the relationship whether in singles or married relationship.
SO, WHAT DO I DO IF I FIND MYSELF IN SUCH A SITUATION?
Simply develop the courage and the boldness to walk away if you are still single. If you are married, you got plenty of work to do. Though it is a tough one but you just must carry your cross in praying ceaselessly for your partner (or for yourself as the case may be), in going for counselling and asking God to help you develop genuine love for your spouse. At least one thing should interest you in your partner and from there, love for him or her should blossom.
It is better to walk away when you are single and in a relationship like this than to do so when you are married. This is because of many considerations you will have to think of for the married and especially the spiritual implication for the married christians Why? God hates divorce and His Word says so in the Bible- Malachi 2 Vs 16, Leviticus 21 Vs 7, Deuteronmy 22 Vs 19 and Deuteronomy 22 Vs 29!
Friends, neither the person you love or the person that loves you is good for relationship, not even for marriage. None of them is better!
* Adegboyega ILORI is a life coach and author.
You can write him via firstname.lastname@example.org
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